My new glasses

This just may be the pair of glasses that changes my life. They may ruin it, they may save it, but my life will never be the same.

What was I thinking last Saturday? What kind of mood was I in when I selected these frames? My partner tells me I was depressed last weekend, that I came home from work Friday down and grumpy, and I never really recovered for several days. Yet I go to my eye appointment and pick the most in-your-face,- pun intended- assertive, kick-ass pair of glasses made. And they’re purple.

I only knew this last week, that I had spent way too much for a new pair of glasses. I was unrepentant, yet borderline appalled when I signed the charge card receipt. I met friends for lunch afterward, eyes dilated, wearing sunglasses large enough to cause people to look for my dog. My mood was low, but I was smugly thrilled I had spent a fortune on those glasses.

Yet here they are, on my face. In your face, on my face. Like many times, on the morning after, when you wonder WHAT you had been thinking, I’m wondering what, exactly what, I found attractive about these frames. Oh, I do find them oddly attractive, or at least attractively odd. But on me, the very essence of Midwest blah?

These are not the glasses of someone from Ohio. These are not the glasses of someone who had ever been lost. These are not the glasses of someone who had ever had doubts about her purpose in the world. These are not the glasses of someone who had ever had setbacks, loneliness, boredom, anxieties, insecurities or gas. These glasses say “kiss my ass,” or “bring me the coffee, bitch.” What are they doing on my face?

I have to change everything about myself in order to wear these glasses. I have to change my hair. My hair has to have an actual style now. I may actually have to use makeup. Nothing about my head can be random or the glasses will mock me. And my clothes…will I have to buy Prada? These glasses are purposeful. Meryl Streep would wear these glasses. They demand wool capes, expensive shoes and possibly a New York skyline. How can I wear them in Florida with shorts and flipflops? Will I ever mow my lawn again?

Where does one go to gather sycophants? If I’m going to pull this off, I need a large entourage, ready to do my bidding. Why did I buy these glasses?

I guess I need these glasses to lead the way. I need them to be assertive, to trust in my intelligence, to be emotionally resilient, to be, if not gorgeous, then at least put together. I need them to push me into making better decisions. I need them to push me into following through on the decisions I have already made. I need them to drive me home at night to be with my partner and my cat, who both love me unconditionally, and stay aware that the last eight hours may have been exhausting, but the next several will be spent exactly where and how and with whom I was meant to be. Tall order for an assemblage of purple plastic and glass.

These glasses, in all their purple majesty, will help me see. I will do my best to be the person they require me to be.