Merry Christmas

Hope the day finds you warm, happy & fed.

We're enjoying the usual traditions today - watching the cats pull their new toys out of their stockings, smelling the turkey cook WAY too slowly, playing with our gifts and listening to an hour of frightening holiday music on WWOZ-New Orleans. "I got a used tube of toothpaste for Christmas, kind of squished, but what's the difference?" to the tune of Deck The Halls. And the perenial favorite, "Christmas in Chalmette"...and "Drive-thru Daquirie Shop".

I'm enjoying my red & green toe socks with jingle bells, and Jane's wearing her new slippers with stuffed felt cats on the top.

Did I mention the turkey smells way too good to wait another hour?

Happy day to all. We're warm, happy & about to be fed.

The Cannon litany

Overheard at GM service department waiting room:

I wanted both hip replacements at the same time but my doctor said it would be too debilitating. I guess he went to school, he should know...

When I had my operation, II had to go to a nursing home because no one could take care of me at home.

I had a knee replacement, but it felt better immediately.....

My daughter is a policeman in Las Vegas. she's figuring out it's probably not for her. You'd think she'd figure that out in school.

In other news, archeologists find Jesus' village. Could it be his home? Just think, these are the buildings Jesus passed in the street when he was a boy. and the stone dishes were obviously Jewish. They could have been used by Jesus.

I don't know about this global warming. I mean what caused the glaciers? Bows & arrow aimed at the sky?

(on cell phone) Hi, baby. I'm getting my wife's Cadillac serviced, then going home. I'll see you later.

a good three hours were had by all.

Waiting for Santa

It's our Gracie's first Christmas - 7 months isn't too soon to make memories, is it? She's having a great time getting stuck in gift bags, getting lost in the tree, chasing bows & chewing ribbon. I can't wait for her to find her little purple stocking on Christmas morning & see how long it takes her to either get her catnip toys out of the stocking, or her entire body into it. George would prefer Santa take her back to the North Pole with his reindeer, but isn't saying much about it. He doesn't want to play with coal.

Avatar

This was every movie ever made: cowboys & Indians, Jurasic Park, Dances With Wolves, John Wayne shoot-em-ups, over the top military invasions, Blue Lagoon with a bit of Pinoccio thrown in for good measure. Flawless heroes, irredeemable bad guys in a military-industrial ecological fable. No shade of grey, just right vs wrong for more than 2 irretrievable hours. Is it a movie? Is it a video game? Is it a creature feature? Is it Jason and the Argonaughts? Aaaarrrrrggggggh! Ok, in fairness, it WAS visually stunning, but the scenery & computer tricks didn't compensate for the heavy-handed morality tale.

the sucker

This morning a sign went up in front of the school - "Found cat - Call Bok to identify" I smiled AND felt my heart sink. That sign will assuage my guilt over cat thievery but it would be very sad if someone claims her. I've been careful to not name her until I'm sure, but possibilities dance through anyway. She's a sweetheart. Sometimes things are transitory, sometimes things stay. When the adopter is ready, the kitten appears. 4:00 this afternoon deadline?

continued.....

Ok, I'm really trying to do the right thing. But the office staff put the kitten in my room & ran. We're bonding contrary to best advice......

the ongoing tail

The kitten spent the night in my garage, dry, warm & fed. It was starving for attention this morning. I'm racked with multi-pronged guilt. The kitten is living at the school. The kitten has a little pink collar. The kitten is either lost or left to its own devices. The kitten is missed by the collar-buyer or not. The guilt will be for any decision - I'm either stealing a cat or failing to steal a cat. What to do....

there's this cat....

... hanging outside the school. The friendliest little kitten, love to be picked up, held, fussed over. The little pink collar is the only thing stopping me from taking it home. I think it's stopping me. Help! it's a calico with Hemmingway thumbs. I've loved on it three times today, saving it from herds of kids with big feet. I put it in the bushes next door & it came back. I put it in the back yard and it came back. A kid put it farther out in the yard & it came back. I don't want it to be flat on the road or an alligator's dinner. Do you think George wants a baby sister? Look what fell into my car, can we keep it? No, it's wearing a collar & I can't steal a cat. But it's loose in the world. So sad to be all alone in the world. What if I accidentally put the cat carrier in the car tomorrow......? SO sad to be all alone in the world.

first letter about the vacation...

London was faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaantastic. We felt at home there immediately. Ok, at home in a place we didn't know where to find things, but it felt like a place we belonged. I'm all about public art, architecture & history - I was in heaven with 800 + years on display and in daily use. The underground was a lot easier to use than in New York. The train lines don't cross as much & is MUCH less confusing. The down side is that only the newest, busiest stations are equipped with escalators - stairs going down to the trains one or two levels below, and then back up make knees and ankles protest to the point of quitting. One elderly station had a circular staircase that wound down so far I swear I smelled brimstone. But it was a great adventure, and very easy way to get around MOST places.

There is a big language barrier, though. We thought, with American movies everywhere, we'd be understood better than we were. Turned out we had to speak slowly, make eye contact and occasionally gesture to get directions & info. Made for some interesting side trips until we caught on to have guidebook in hand to have a print version of our requested destination.

We went to wonderful places every day. St. Paul's, Oxford, Hyde Park, palaces, gardens. Had to remind myself that the Tudor style buildings were not the cheesy knockoffs we're used to here, they're ACTUAL Tudor buildings. Most of the things we enjoyed the most were things we just stumbled upon. We had not planned to see the changing of the Guard, we'd both been there before. But we wander out of Hyde Park into Green Park at the right time and hear the military band play their post-change concert. Two military bands, to be exact. One playing what you'd expect - British martial music, alternated with a 2nd band doing more contemporary pieces. I couldn't quite believe I was hearing a medley of Abba coming out of the gates of Buckingham Palace. When they launced into "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" I almost died. Monty Python's best. I looked around the crowd & realized no one knew this was funny.....Aw come on, people, whistle along! The best part of Oxford, other than that being my first train ride that wasn't a subway, and just being in such an old university town, was the garden space off the main street. For a very small admission, we were able to wander through utter silence except for the bells chiming from campus towers. It was old enough to look like it grew there spontaneously, and planned down to the last detail. There was a spot with an odd mixture of colors - orange and purple. It was kind of jarring, but on closer inspection, one of the flowers that grew so occasionally in the space that they looked like weeds, was a kind of a daisy with orange petals and a large purple center. Those few scattered flowers unified the space & justified the mixture of such jarringly diffierent colors. Planned to the last detail. There was a soft to medium rain most of that day, so we timed our lunch, snacks & visits to Christchurch & Oxford Castle Gaol for the harder downpours. Back to the train station, back to London for dinner & BBC. A very good day.

The theatre was miraculous. No less than miraculous. I can't wait for Sister Act to come to New York so I can see it again. The star - who sings MUCH better than Whoopi Goldberg - is just luminous, the villain boyfriend & henchmen are evil set to a Motown soundtrack (Imagine Lou Rawls singing seductively about finding the girl & killing the girl) the nuns each had a feature & the woman playing Mother Superior was some kind of national treasure....wow. OH wow. The disco numbers with glittery nuns were way too funny AND good.

Billy Elliott was so very good the 14-year-old star stopped the show twice for standing ovations. After the show, we saw him surrounded by teen girls - and boys - signing autographs & taking pictures with them. I must admit I joined that circle to have him sign my program. If he's that good at 14, I can't wait to see him in 10 years. I just got the impression, from how nice he was about all the attention, that his parents make him clean his room and pick up after his dog. I can't imagine that in New York. I can't. I don't think it would be safe to let a kid talk to fans, or even walk through the crowd on the way to the car. I love London.

This was probably more than anyone wanted to know. The shorter response is great - vacation was great!

It was a challenge to find something affordable at Harrod's but we did it in the food hall. Oh, the food hall.

We had some excellent meals in London, something that surprises me, as Britain is not noted for its food. The international influence brought a South African sushi place - to which we went twice - and a great noodle place that was actually cheap. We ate there there twice, too. The high tea at St. Paul's was more than we could eat. I commited the sin of not finishing the lemon cake after having consumed the scones, sandwiches & tarts. The lemon cake was the best of the lot, but in the unfortunate position of being tried last. I'll never forget it calling me from the plate as I left - it was sooooooooooooooooooo good.

All the walking, all the eating, all the walking, all the eating. Only gained 3 pounds, not bad for a vacation. I smile to think of all the hundreds of pounds spent there, I should be grateful I brought ANY kind of pound back home......

More coffee, more mental acuity. Time for more acuity.

On a nap-free week

I've loved my daily naps. I've loved breaking my day into manageable chunks - 10-3, 5-11, repeat. The siesta is truly the height of civilization. It just doesn't fit the time zone assimilation plan.

Not that it's a hard day or anything, after all a foot massage and eyebrow dye job were on the bill. But 4:30 am is a time to GO to bed, not get out of it. I can't see myself doing this longer than necessary. I AM waking up before the alarm, largely because the plan is so very ridiculous I wake up to see if I will. I have.

I turn ALL the lights on, read the paper, have coffee, do SOMETHING that requires getting dressed, then, by 8 am I'm ready for my midmorning snack.

The pre-primetime TV shows take on an importance way beyond justification - Jeopardy may, indeed, be the last input of the day. My chair is cozy, soft & not easily gotten out of. My cat is cozy, soft & not easily dislodged. The combo is killer - Cat + weird hours = coma.

I'm sure waking to the morning sun at what I feel to be 3 a.m. is easier than faking daylight. And there, after all, there's nothing to stop me from my afternoon nap. Ah, siesta a la Britannia. Wake me for dinner.

Unprecedented !

It is my great honor and privilege to announce that today I've stayed awake a record number of hours...for me....for this summer. As of this minute, I've been awake and nap-free for 14-1/2 hours ! Struggling to stay awake through the 7:30 Jeopardy, but I'm looking to last another hour at least. Have I made London time yet?

on being a star!

I was stopped on my way out of the theatre last night by a girl who had to tell me I "exude awesomeness." Exude awesomeness......we knew that, didn't we?

great quote: frighteningly true.....

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
- Quentin Crisp

Today's horoscope says it all:

Aquarius: You feel as if you are on the edge of a creative breakthrough, but you may have too many specific tasks on your plate to be able to follow up on your great ideas. Nevertheless, your mundane work assignments need not prevent you from doing something extraordinary. It may take an extra commitment on your part and working late hours, but you can meet your current obligations and still have time to follow your inspiration.

That's the last week of school, all right, compounded with various personal projects & residual stress. Is stress a habit or do leftover stress chemicals keep circulating days after the stressors have gone away? Had such trouble relaxing this weekend, needed pharmacutical intervention. Feeling better this morning, have 4 days with munchkins then new student orientation and a bunch of adult things to do at school. Then sleep & play & ham it up. Hurry summer, slow down, mundane work assignments....I think I'll survive after all. (insert theme from Mary Tyler Moore Show here)

premature repair-ations

I've found all my dance shoes in a bag in the garage. I cleaned some, took others to the repair shop. I'm surprised at how very snug they feel after eight years of flipflops and Birkenstocks. With leather stretch spray in hand, I'm excited about using them again. But I haven't even auditioned yet.

In the words of Norma Desmond:

I don't know why I'm frightened.....I know my way around here....the cardboard trees, the painted scenes, the sound here......a world to rediscover....but I'm not in any hurry....and I need a moment.....

I've loved finding songs, marking music, costuming myself, checking for makeup colors. I't been so very long.

Today will be about dying my hair, choosing my clothes, practicing my song, trying tap steps. Tomorrow will be about having red hair, orange lipstick and purple blouse, my particular audition superstition. Now I channel my past characters, let them lead me to meet a new one. Those crazy nuns, the quirky bit parts, the long line of singing sluts: they will go with me and remind me I can do this again.

Back to Norma:

The whispered conversations in overcrowded hallways....the atmosphere as thrilling here as always.....feel the early evening madness, feel the magic in the making....why, everything's as if we never said goodbye.

send courage.

more caffeine or less?

Great start to day. I was rehearsing the beginning strings class, playing piano, watching for strugglers & slugs when a coworker came in the room. Being very quiet, as to not disturb the rehearsal, he leans over my shoulder to ask if I was going to need the TV cart. I hadn't seen or heard him come in, so like the rational, low key person I am, I jump, shriek and knock music all over the area. The class is stunned, I see it was Paul, who was even more startled than I was and we laugh uncontrollably for what seems like the rest of the class period. The kids don't know if it's ok to laugh or not, so the stunned amazement remains on their faces, which set us off again. I gather my wits long enough to make a sign on bright red paper: CAUTION: CAFFEINATED WOMAN. The bell rings, as student takes his marker, underlines CAUTION twice, and leaves. When you tell your friends, and you will, please be kind.

p.s. - I have since moved my piano to include a view of the door.

beginning of the end!

What an optimistic phrase - today, not the first day of the rest of your life, but today, leading into the final 7 weeks of school. I've enjoyed this school more than any I've ever done, but really, it's time to end. I'm cranky, the kids are cranky, coworkers are cranky and there's an awful lot of staring into June, wishing a large chunk of life away. Being the proactive type - as at least I imagine myself - I've planned a specific focus for each of those 7 weeks at work, but what am I doing for those same weeks while off duty? There's the ongoing & so far satisfying corporal improvement plan. In those 7 weeks, I'm focusing on losing an additional 14 pounds and working into a 5-day-week gym schedule. I've held myself to the every-other-day exercise routine so far, so changing to 5 day/wk is a small change, but one that will be a huge challenge as the workday gets tougher, meetings become more frequent and expendable energy becomes harder to access. What's the payoff for this extra project? Health? Strength? No, nothing so useful. I want to be in the pictures we take in London. Yes, vanity. Vanity in a person so insecure she gained way too much weight to have some to throw around in the world. So, here's to vanity: if you save my life, we're pulling for you. And to the next 7 weeks - you'll pass.

Spring Break ???

I was sooooooo ready for spring break. I was a zombie-like shadow, powering myself through each workday using I don't know what. After two days of blissful sleep, I go to my first appointment with the gym's personal trainer.

Tanya - if that is her real name - smooth-talked me into ten minutes on a treadmill. Sounded safe enough, I could do that. Little did I know the rapid succession of "only 5 minutes" on three more machines from hell......twice, followed by 10 minutes back on that treadmill. Three times a week???

One of the machines makes me feel like a Kokopelli. Imagine a bicycle without a seat, body hunched over and legs pumping up & down. Who thought of this???? I don't know what its really called, but I call it yagottabekidding.

I actually went back two days later. I hit the yagottabekidding twice, as well as the eliptical, bike and treadmill. I thought it was killing me and I was actively helping. The gym as a form of suicide?

Truthfully, I am half killing myself. I'm killing off half of my weight. I'm killing off the woman who shops in the wide woman department. I'm killing off the only adult I've ever been.

So, what's the other half?

quote of the day

Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them.
- Robertson Davies

tickets

I got them! I got them all!!!! London theatre is ours!!!!! Sister Act! Billy Elliott! Calendar Girls! As You Like It! The Globe! The Palace! The Palladium! The Noel Coward! Who needs sleep? The hell with jet lag! Have coffee wiill see shows! Oh, and London.

hmmm......

I was just out watering my herb garden. The St. John's Wart is looking depressed. What do you give it?

London - !!!!

Yes, it WAS scary to book, but now I'm having a blast ordering theatre tickets ! The big shows we're dying to see are pretty expensive, but hey, you only have 2 major birthdays and a 10th anniversary in the same year how often? We truly deserve being spoiled & we're just the ones to do the spoiling! Out to buy an English-British translator.......

London dreaming

What do you do in a horrible economy? Research a week's stay in London. Completely, totally unaffordable, highly compelling, ultimately necessary. Let's see about August....

Why I'm tireder than usual

I have an intern at work. I have a feeling it will make me appreciate Grey's Anatomy all the more.

It's been so long since I started out, but I remember how scary it was. And is. If your first nature is not gregarious and you haven't developed coping mechanisms yet, the fear is almost palpable. To the other person. This intern is definitely an introvert, but possibly also shy, repressed, overprotected and religiously Christian. Her assignment today was to practice greeting the kids as they came in the door. I don't know if it was everyone's assignment, but she emailed me in a panic asking how to go about this. The biggest difference between her as an intern and my time as one is that I wouldn't have had the nerve to ask for help. Maybe she's braver than I thought. So I gave her tips about just plain saying hello as they came in. Then I gave her the classlist and had her take attendence the old fashioned way - roll call. She'd then have the experience of asking for help pronouncing names. The African-American names were quite the challenge for our sheltered hero. but she did fine.

What I never knew about my cooperating teachers, was how very much work it is to model best practices. I was doing fine, thank you very much, with my shortcuts & labor saving devices. Remind me to wear much more comfortable shoes on her observation days.

All told, this should be good for me. And, I hope for her. Was this good for you, too?

a post-birthday world

I really didn'nt want to think about this birthday. After all, this was the one that made it legal to order off the senior menu at Perkin's. I got a cheery invitation from AARP, although they have been sending those things for several years now. I have to face it. I'm not 54 anymore.

It was a day much like many others, in that I got up, went to work, came home and fell asleep in front of the tv shockingly early. Pajamas & pizza delivery was the treat of the evening. I meant to celebrate over the weekend, but that didn't happen either. My birthday remains unfeted.

Perhaps this weekend we can get enough ambition to go to Orlando for a good dinner, perhaps at Texas de Brasil, perhaps the Japanese place with the Koto drummers. Perhaps I will stay awake long enough to research the many possibilities.

One thing I will do for myself is to give myself a much lighter version of me for my next birthday. Not promise some unrealistic exercise regime, not do one of my compulsive food calendars. Just give myself what I want most. Health. Life. Size 12 jeans.

Health: i do know why my sister died. She ignored her diabetes once she had to start injecting. What are a few doughnuts or desserts if the insulin is handy ? I could be angry with her for making horrible choices, but who am I to talk? When she was my age, she was prediabetic, with all kinds of ways to prevent all the maladies that killed her. Much like I am now. I'm as neglectful as she was in prevention. "Oh, dark spector," Scrooge moaned, "show me the way." It's not too late to make changes, but it may be soon. The Ghost of Diabetes Future needn't haunt...


Life: I don't have much of that at the moment. I work, sleep, eat, sleep, repeat. I don't do things I actually enjoy because I'm tired from the work cycle. No way to live.

Size 12 jeans are reasonable. Not too very far from now, but put myself firmly - pun intended - out of the wide women's clohing department. My jeans only come in blue, black, brown & tan. Boring. I want jeanss in every color, even those I don't like. They dont come in wide.
How to start? Did I just finish several cookies with my salad? I guess I just do it. Every woman who needs to lose weight knows exactly how to do it. It's just not fun. Or easy.

Go for the zen: mindful eating, mindful living. Love myself. Pamper myself in nonfood ways. I've lost the same 50 pounds countless other times, why not now?

Why not, indeed. My next birthday present gets started now. Anyone want the rest of my cake?

Why crime pays...

Ok, the reason stinks, but the result is kind of fun. Yes, I let, nay, encouraged Jane to shop for the TV without me & she came home with a 50 incher to replace its considerably smaller stolen version. Computers ordered, dvd players replaced, what else could we do to feel normal again? Realize that the criminals have, in their perverse way, helped to stimulate the local economy?

Hey - didn't we used to have a tv????

Thursday night, I came home after having dinner out. Opened the kitchen door, talked to the cat, fed the cat, gathered kitchen garbage. Jane came home as I was hauling the garbage can & recycling to the curb. We chatted, went inside. then it occured to us: didn'twe used to have a tv?? And why is the back door wide open?

Ok, we're sometimes not the brightest bulbs in the box. I shut the back door, ruining any chance at fingerprinting before we go to the neighbor's house to make the 911 call. Sheriff deputies came, searched the house but accidentally let the cat out. The cat, who was the only witness to the crime, was loose in a world of armidillos, alligtors & other alliterative nocturnal creatures. Yet he was there to be fed when I got home, after the back door had been left open for who knows how long. He knew his way home for dinner. I turn my attention to figuring out what was missing.

It wasn't the ransacking kind of breakin you see on tv. (what tv?) One reason we hadn't noticed right away was that the house was left very neat, albeit uncluttered Drawers, for instance, had been opened, then shut. Our jewelery boxes were emptied only of the few gold chains we had.. Intended targets, evidentally, were electronics and gold. We're teachers - no stockpiles of ingots here, just computers, cameras, tvs, electonic games and the odd necklace. Oh, no, where's my Simpson's Road Rage game - don't tell me I have to take my aggrivations out on the real road, instead of Lisa Simpson's Electaurus???

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd that a dozen or so musical instruments were left undisturbed? Grateful, but really - a dozen assorted flutes, saxophones, etc??? Not educated criminals, one coworker suggested.

We really began to worry about the cat. We'd each searched the house, the yard, the block. One of the deputies helped look for him, as well as one of the neighbors. Both left with overoptimistic reasurances. Oh, George.......

Around midnight, after we'd almost given up hope, Jane decides to check the back yard one more time, and there's George, ready to come home. Unperturbed, full of lizards, he was the most wonderful mood enhancer imaginable.

As upsetting as the discovery was, that's what insurance is for... Our feelings of violation will take a bit longer. But our george survived - apparently unscathed. We're not letting him out of our newly alarm-systemed sights again.

Odd Horoscope

"You are at the end of an opportunity cycle that began twelve years ago and you're at the start of a new one. You can get beneficial results by visualizing your new direction, but understand that this isn't just about something wonderful that could very well come your way this year. It's about setting long-term goals and taking the time to build momentum instead of trying to reach satisfaction immediately."

So what happened 12 years ago that was the beginning of the cycle just ending? I was still in Columbus, not yet coping with the previous year's exing. I hadn't moved to New Orleans, hadn't bought my house, hadn't met Jane, hadn't returned to teaching, hadn't sold, moved to Florida & lived happily ever after. Come to think of it, that was a very active 12-year cycle. So now what?

A strange dream

I was in my office. Not MY office, but it was mine in the dream. I was doing business, whatever it was, with clients who all failed to notice the room was approximately three feet under water. I didn’t know why it was under water, it usually wasn’t. But people came and went oblivious to the fact we were wading through the space. It wasn’t flooded in the hall. Opening the door to the hall didn’t disperse the water. It was only in my area. No one noticed. Business as usual.

One dream dictionary suggests that the image of water rising up in a house symbolizes struggles or overwhelming emotions. Only in my area, no one else’s? And no one I deal with notices my emotional difficulties? Sounds right, I’m too good at masking difficulties. Consider where the flood is, suggests the reference, to see where I am overwhelmed. At work….my flood affects no one else…..and no one notices….

Is this a cautionary fable?

Happy New Year!!

This year, I resolve to not make resolutions. Sure, there are plenty of ways I could improve myself, my attitude, my outlook, my finances, my health, etc., but I don’t have to resolve today. Just because morning followed night on one particular cycle of an ordinary orbit, doesn’t mean today is the official start of anything. Every sunrise, though, offers another chance to do it right. But since the world insists that today’s sunrise has special significance, let’s play along. IF I were to make a resolution, what would it be?

Another artificial harbinger, my horoscope, advised me to wear my heart on my sleeve this year. I can’t imagine habitual vulnerability as a lifestyle. I see bruising, lacerations and imminent death without my usual emotional armor. But that armor is cold and hides me from the sun as well as potential assault. Perhaps it would be a good thing to start to discard the suit of armor. Adopt a suit of amour instead?

The mail and the television commercials are both advertising gyms and diet plans. This is the most popular resolution: this year I will get in shape. I’ve certainly made that one for more years than I’m willing to admit. I’ve had some degree of success with this one in the past, but, like most who think about this only on New Year’s Day, the success is short-lived. I know all the reasons why I should prioritize my health, some of which are extremely painful to contemplate. I even know how to do it - what overweight person is not a diet expert? The question is this: at what point will the horror of dying overtake the horror of dieting?

Overwhelmed. Depressed. Short-tempered. Slow-witted. Exhausted. Tearful. Inert. Bored. Boring. All things I become when I pay no attention to what I need. I want to avoid these things, as I don’t want to be around me when I’m suffering these symptoms and there’s no place for me to hide. So, paying attention to what I need may be the key. Shall I ask myself occasionally? Regularly? Daily? Shall I wear my heart on my sleeve….for myself?

I can see this.

Perhaps previous resolutions failed for excessive specificity. We are complicated human beings, perfectly capable of circumventing any and all attempts at self-improvement.

This year, I resolve to not make resolutions. I will, however, get into an actual dialog with myself and give myself everything I need. Health, respect, rest, activity, love and financial security. I’ll be my own sugar-mamma, without the sugar.