Why crime pays...

Ok, the reason stinks, but the result is kind of fun. Yes, I let, nay, encouraged Jane to shop for the TV without me & she came home with a 50 incher to replace its considerably smaller stolen version. Computers ordered, dvd players replaced, what else could we do to feel normal again? Realize that the criminals have, in their perverse way, helped to stimulate the local economy?

Hey - didn't we used to have a tv????

Thursday night, I came home after having dinner out. Opened the kitchen door, talked to the cat, fed the cat, gathered kitchen garbage. Jane came home as I was hauling the garbage can & recycling to the curb. We chatted, went inside. then it occured to us: didn'twe used to have a tv?? And why is the back door wide open?

Ok, we're sometimes not the brightest bulbs in the box. I shut the back door, ruining any chance at fingerprinting before we go to the neighbor's house to make the 911 call. Sheriff deputies came, searched the house but accidentally let the cat out. The cat, who was the only witness to the crime, was loose in a world of armidillos, alligtors & other alliterative nocturnal creatures. Yet he was there to be fed when I got home, after the back door had been left open for who knows how long. He knew his way home for dinner. I turn my attention to figuring out what was missing.

It wasn't the ransacking kind of breakin you see on tv. (what tv?) One reason we hadn't noticed right away was that the house was left very neat, albeit uncluttered Drawers, for instance, had been opened, then shut. Our jewelery boxes were emptied only of the few gold chains we had.. Intended targets, evidentally, were electronics and gold. We're teachers - no stockpiles of ingots here, just computers, cameras, tvs, electonic games and the odd necklace. Oh, no, where's my Simpson's Road Rage game - don't tell me I have to take my aggrivations out on the real road, instead of Lisa Simpson's Electaurus???

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd that a dozen or so musical instruments were left undisturbed? Grateful, but really - a dozen assorted flutes, saxophones, etc??? Not educated criminals, one coworker suggested.

We really began to worry about the cat. We'd each searched the house, the yard, the block. One of the deputies helped look for him, as well as one of the neighbors. Both left with overoptimistic reasurances. Oh, George.......

Around midnight, after we'd almost given up hope, Jane decides to check the back yard one more time, and there's George, ready to come home. Unperturbed, full of lizards, he was the most wonderful mood enhancer imaginable.

As upsetting as the discovery was, that's what insurance is for... Our feelings of violation will take a bit longer. But our george survived - apparently unscathed. We're not letting him out of our newly alarm-systemed sights again.

Odd Horoscope

"You are at the end of an opportunity cycle that began twelve years ago and you're at the start of a new one. You can get beneficial results by visualizing your new direction, but understand that this isn't just about something wonderful that could very well come your way this year. It's about setting long-term goals and taking the time to build momentum instead of trying to reach satisfaction immediately."

So what happened 12 years ago that was the beginning of the cycle just ending? I was still in Columbus, not yet coping with the previous year's exing. I hadn't moved to New Orleans, hadn't bought my house, hadn't met Jane, hadn't returned to teaching, hadn't sold, moved to Florida & lived happily ever after. Come to think of it, that was a very active 12-year cycle. So now what?

A strange dream

I was in my office. Not MY office, but it was mine in the dream. I was doing business, whatever it was, with clients who all failed to notice the room was approximately three feet under water. I didn’t know why it was under water, it usually wasn’t. But people came and went oblivious to the fact we were wading through the space. It wasn’t flooded in the hall. Opening the door to the hall didn’t disperse the water. It was only in my area. No one noticed. Business as usual.

One dream dictionary suggests that the image of water rising up in a house symbolizes struggles or overwhelming emotions. Only in my area, no one else’s? And no one I deal with notices my emotional difficulties? Sounds right, I’m too good at masking difficulties. Consider where the flood is, suggests the reference, to see where I am overwhelmed. At work….my flood affects no one else…..and no one notices….

Is this a cautionary fable?

Happy New Year!!

This year, I resolve to not make resolutions. Sure, there are plenty of ways I could improve myself, my attitude, my outlook, my finances, my health, etc., but I don’t have to resolve today. Just because morning followed night on one particular cycle of an ordinary orbit, doesn’t mean today is the official start of anything. Every sunrise, though, offers another chance to do it right. But since the world insists that today’s sunrise has special significance, let’s play along. IF I were to make a resolution, what would it be?

Another artificial harbinger, my horoscope, advised me to wear my heart on my sleeve this year. I can’t imagine habitual vulnerability as a lifestyle. I see bruising, lacerations and imminent death without my usual emotional armor. But that armor is cold and hides me from the sun as well as potential assault. Perhaps it would be a good thing to start to discard the suit of armor. Adopt a suit of amour instead?

The mail and the television commercials are both advertising gyms and diet plans. This is the most popular resolution: this year I will get in shape. I’ve certainly made that one for more years than I’m willing to admit. I’ve had some degree of success with this one in the past, but, like most who think about this only on New Year’s Day, the success is short-lived. I know all the reasons why I should prioritize my health, some of which are extremely painful to contemplate. I even know how to do it - what overweight person is not a diet expert? The question is this: at what point will the horror of dying overtake the horror of dieting?

Overwhelmed. Depressed. Short-tempered. Slow-witted. Exhausted. Tearful. Inert. Bored. Boring. All things I become when I pay no attention to what I need. I want to avoid these things, as I don’t want to be around me when I’m suffering these symptoms and there’s no place for me to hide. So, paying attention to what I need may be the key. Shall I ask myself occasionally? Regularly? Daily? Shall I wear my heart on my sleeve….for myself?

I can see this.

Perhaps previous resolutions failed for excessive specificity. We are complicated human beings, perfectly capable of circumventing any and all attempts at self-improvement.

This year, I resolve to not make resolutions. I will, however, get into an actual dialog with myself and give myself everything I need. Health, respect, rest, activity, love and financial security. I’ll be my own sugar-mamma, without the sugar.