Happy New Year!!

This year, I resolve to not make resolutions. Sure, there are plenty of ways I could improve myself, my attitude, my outlook, my finances, my health, etc., but I don’t have to resolve today. Just because morning followed night on one particular cycle of an ordinary orbit, doesn’t mean today is the official start of anything. Every sunrise, though, offers another chance to do it right. But since the world insists that today’s sunrise has special significance, let’s play along. IF I were to make a resolution, what would it be?

Another artificial harbinger, my horoscope, advised me to wear my heart on my sleeve this year. I can’t imagine habitual vulnerability as a lifestyle. I see bruising, lacerations and imminent death without my usual emotional armor. But that armor is cold and hides me from the sun as well as potential assault. Perhaps it would be a good thing to start to discard the suit of armor. Adopt a suit of amour instead?

The mail and the television commercials are both advertising gyms and diet plans. This is the most popular resolution: this year I will get in shape. I’ve certainly made that one for more years than I’m willing to admit. I’ve had some degree of success with this one in the past, but, like most who think about this only on New Year’s Day, the success is short-lived. I know all the reasons why I should prioritize my health, some of which are extremely painful to contemplate. I even know how to do it - what overweight person is not a diet expert? The question is this: at what point will the horror of dying overtake the horror of dieting?

Overwhelmed. Depressed. Short-tempered. Slow-witted. Exhausted. Tearful. Inert. Bored. Boring. All things I become when I pay no attention to what I need. I want to avoid these things, as I don’t want to be around me when I’m suffering these symptoms and there’s no place for me to hide. So, paying attention to what I need may be the key. Shall I ask myself occasionally? Regularly? Daily? Shall I wear my heart on my sleeve….for myself?

I can see this.

Perhaps previous resolutions failed for excessive specificity. We are complicated human beings, perfectly capable of circumventing any and all attempts at self-improvement.

This year, I resolve to not make resolutions. I will, however, get into an actual dialog with myself and give myself everything I need. Health, respect, rest, activity, love and financial security. I’ll be my own sugar-mamma, without the sugar.